I’ve had PTSD for nearly two years now, but this year has definitely been the hardest. There have been many days where I can’t get out of bed, can’t even look at my phone, can’t do anything except lie there. Those are the worst days, other days I just have panic attacks for hours and hours. On a good day I can function, spend time with friends and family, but even then I often struggle to feel actual happiness.
PTSD is a mix of depression, anxiety and trauma. It’s easily triggered, for me it can be anything from a loud sound to someone’s tone of voice. I also suffer from intrusive thoughts which are deeply upsetting and come out of nowhere.
It’s a lot to handle and recovery is slow and difficult. It feels like when one element gets better another element gets worse which can be very frustrating at times. But overall, since moving into my new flat I’ve had much more good days than bad.
Mental health problems can be very isolating, not only does the emotional instability make you feel like no one really understands but it’s also still a taboo subject to talk about.
Everyone loves a mental illness recovery story (understandably) but it’s a different reaction when you’re still in the thick of it.
Because I’ve had it for so long it also effects the way I see myself and my identity. There have been times where I’ve felt that the PTSD is who I am. Luckily (again) since moving to my new flat I’ve started to feel differently, not so much like my old self but more like a completely new me.
I’ll keep you all updated as to my progress and any thing I find useful that I think would help anyone else with mental illness.
As always my DMs are open.