Okay kids, today we are going to talk about Orgasm inequality! Dad, please stick to reading just my fashion posts please.
Now, if you don't know, the 'orgasm gap' is to do with the fact that in heterosexual couples, women on average are having fewer orgasms than men. This relates back to so many issues with sex and female sexuality, all of which we are going to talk about, because we need to talk about it.
Up first is the lack of knowledge of female anatomy. If you haven't seen the new TikTok trend of women asking their boyfriends where they think a pad goes and them responding that it sticks to the vagina and then being shocked that it actually sticks to your underwear, I highly recommend you watch them as a source of entertainment. But it speaks to the wider issue that men don't have a clue how women's bodies work. They think the vagina gets 'stretched out' based on how many men a woman has slept with. Some think you can 'hold in' your period like you can with urine. And many don't know their labia majora from the clitoris.
Is this their fault? I would argue no. I myself only learned that the clitoris is actually a sort of wishbone shape from Twitter of all places, courtesy of Sophia Wallaces art work titled 'Cliteracy'. I also attended catholic school so sex education consisted only of watching a woman give birth (originally in reverse as they had to rewind the tape back to the beginning, traumatising to say the least). We learned a little bit about sex and using protection from a rebelling science teacher who thought we ought to know how to be safe, but still any mention of female pleasure was not thought appropriate to bring up.
There was also this sort of taboo on female masturbation. Possibly started by the 13 year old boys in class constantly asking you if you fingered yourself and then laughing while you stood there having not even said anything. If that doesn't put you off ever exploring your own body I don't know what will.
So we have a lack of education for both boys and girls on the subject of female pleasure during sex. Then on top of this we attach feelings of shame, harassment and unwanted sexualisation to masturbation due to immature attitudes of boys who aren't taught to respect any woman as a sexual entity. So we ourselves are discouraged from engaging in getting to know our own bodies and what works for us.
Then we get older and discover inequality in the bedroom. A “cultural over-privileging of male sexuality and a devaluing of female sexuality.”- Laurie Mintz, author of the book “Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters — And How to Get It,”
Thanks to the phenomenon of online porn, where women don't receive oral sex and seem to have spectacular orgasms solely from penetration by their male co-stars, we see today men who think they don't need to give oral or put time into foreplay. Worse still men who will simply SPIT ON YOUR VAGINA, rather than bother making you aroused. (A quick PSA, the cervix is about 3 inches long and when aroused the cervix pulls back to make way. If the woman is not aroused it can be incredibly painful.) This behaviour could be because men learn sex from porn and think that this is normal or pleasurable for women too, but it could also be that they just don't care about female pleasure.
In a culture that presents sex as something done to women and not as something two people participate in together, its easy for men to ignore female pleasure. Because of this attitude many women also feel they aren't entitled to ask for more foreplay to make things feel better for them. This brings us to faking it.
Because of the issues we have addressed here and others (every woman is different) many women don't reach orgasm during sex and out of fear of upsetting their partner and falling short of the women in porn, they decide to fake it. We are going to stop doing this ladies, right now! Say it with me: NO MORE FAKING IT!
I've been with men who have not respected me and haven't cared about how sexual experiences have been for me and I'm currently with someone who does respect me and let me tell you ladies, a respectful man will not get upset or angry if you say its not happening for you and you want to stop. A respectful man is interested in your pleasure just as much as his and will make you feel that you can communicate what you need to him safely.
And if you're still not getting there, just remember that it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you, sometimes you just can't switch your mind off and be in the moment, and sometimes you have to train your body to be able to orgasm in certain positions. But ladies, I have a little recommendation for you. Let me introduce to you, your new boyfriend: The Lelo Sona Cruise 2, it has the slogan 'cliterally mindblowing'. I have both the original and this one, which is the second one. I do recommend the second one more than the first but both are ammmaazzziiinnggg!
It uses Sonar waves!!! I know what you're thinking: finally we have a use for science. This product is definitely a multiple orgasm miracle worker and because its this smooth pebble shape its really easy to use during sex with your partner. It is a loyal foot soldier for the war against orgasm inequality.
The final thing I have to say is that female sloths will literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away. So be like the sloth and don't be afraid to ask for what you want.
* This post contains gifted items: