Its one week until the start of April, its blossom season on the gram and yesterday walking round Westminster I overheard a couple tourists talking about how 'spring has sprung' (They were northern and pronounced 'sprung' it that lovely way that only northern people do like 'sproong') Normally I love this time of year, the drumroll into summer. I normally feel so excited and positive, ready for warm weather, an Aperol Spritz outside the pub, sunsets at 9pm, life is just that little bit better.
But I feel differently this year, I've had a difficult winter and I think maybe I'm not ready emotionally to start thinking about a carefree summer. I'm still emotionally in my hibernation stage and am not ready to be my best fun-loving summer self. Or maybe It's just that I've bought 3 new winter coats and I just want to have the time to wear them.
Being stuck in an emotional hibernation is such a stereotypical millennial problem, I almost feel more connected to my generation because of it. We are all in this weird 'almost' stage in life, Almost adults but struggling to find independence and identity in a world that holds young people in a perpetual adolescence. I have pretty much almost no life skills, I am an 'at home' vegetarian because I don't trust myself to cook meat, I am constantly fighting a losing battle with my wardrobe which is organised in such a way that to find anything to wear I have to take everything I own out of the wardrobe and onto the floor, then because I am always late for everything, I leave the mess for future me to deal with. No matter how hard I try to get my shit together I feel stuck in my bad habits because I'm stuck emotionally in not a bad place but also not a good place, even reading 'how to get your shit together' hasn't motivated me to put the hoover round.
The feeling of being stuck can make it seem like life is just this one moment that you're in right now. You cant see a way of getting un-stuck and that can easily slip into finding it difficult to look for the joy in everyday life. I have been stuck for a few months now and panicking about life and where its going and what I'm doing and if anything about my life will change or develop or if I'm just going to be getting on trains from Paddington station and ordering things off of Amazon forever until I die. So here is a list of things in the last few months that I have enjoyed and that have brought me happiness:
Orange Juice with bits
Sunsets in Marylebone
Love stories with Dolly Alderton
A man in a coffee shop I had a friendly chat with
Russel Brands Twitter
Watching a baby and a puppy have a staring contest
Dinner and wine with friends
Gin and tonic and Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason
Going to the gym
Sitting in the sun and closing my eyes for a second
Alright ladies, keep up on my instagram stories to continue to watch my mental breakdown on a day to day basis, and you can shop the post below! Be kind to yourselves out there xoxo